This article describes a friendship fallout and the struggles people are experiencing trying to re-start their friendships after being isolated for months due to the pandemic.
“What had happened was something that many of us are experiencing as we reconnect with friends in social settings after such a prolonged absence: arguments, anger, misunderstandings and explosive conversations.”
Lindsay George, a psychotherapist specializing in relationships said “that during the pandemic women suffered greatly from not being able to regularly see their social circle. ‘We realised we can’t rely on our partners and children to give us what friends have always given us, which is support and escape from the drudgery of daily life. Our identities are a result of our relationships with other people, and friendships are so vital in seeing a part of ourselves reflected back. The loss of those in-person friendships has had a deep effect on our sense of selves. It’s no wonder people are finding it difficult to pick up with friends as if nothing has changed.’
Many are “struggling with social re-entry: ‘When I’ve seen more than one person at a time recently, I have a sense of being hungover the next day, even though I haven’t been drinking alcohol. It’s an emotional tiredness, because we [are out of the habit of socialising] and there are so many emotions. It’s a process of relearning and recalibrating. Even something as trivial as discussing a lunch order with someone you haven’t talked to for months is very strange.’”
“So what’s going on? It’s not as though these people are individuals we don’t know, or like, or haven’t spoken to at all for months. Why can’t we just pick up where we left off?”
What may be “missing right now is a real understanding that we have been through a traumatic experience for the past 18 months. Focusing on individual ‘transgressions’, or the micro of a relationship, is a deflection from this collective trauma.”
“We’re all in different places on the joyful reunion versus anxiety spectrum. Sometimes it can feel really freeing to articulate that you’re not ready for a big party or that you have really high expectations for it.”
“The truth is, that although it’s felt like Groundhog Day at times, we have all been on big individual journeys since March 2020. Some of us have experienced mental health issues, grief and illness, others have survived largely unscathed – even thrived – and that can mean we are meeting our friends at a different point in our lives to the one where we left them. It’s not a given that we will still connect as we once did or, indeed, still want to be friends.”
“In our year and a half of various levels of isolation, we have experienced uprisings, activism and issues including white privilege, male violence, Asian hate and transgender discrimination, not to mention the politics of lockdowns and a battle against conspiracy theories, none of which have we had the opportunity to discuss in an easygoing, everyday context at work, around the dinner table or at the pub with friends. Until now. Our opinions have been simmering like a pot left on a low heat for so long – now our freedom to socialise has turned up the burner, blown off the lid and emotions are boiling over.”
“As we reconnect socially, it’s important to accept that it may take time to find our rhythm with friends again.”
“‘Asking: ‘How has this time been for you? How has it been hard? And what about it has been not as hard as you thought?’ can go a long way.’’
https://www.elle.com/uk/life-and-culture/a36950468/friendship-fallout-pandemic/
Elaine Korngold, LPC, offers individual therapy to adults to help examine their relationships with a special focus on satisfying friendships and how to repair a friendship fallout due to the the pandemic or other factors. Contact Elaine to learn more.