The goals of Gottman Method Couples Therapy are to disarm conflicting verbal communication; increase intimacy, respect, and affection; remove barriers that create a feeling of stagnancy; and create a heightened sense of empathy and understanding within the context of the relationship. Gottman Method Couples Therapy is evidence-based for same sex couples based on a recent, first of its kind, outcome study, demonstrating twice as much improvement with nearly half the number of sessions that is typical for heterosexual couples.
Creating or Updating Love Maps
The couples learn to build or update their love maps that represent the inner view of the partner’s world. They also practice good communication skills leading up to mastery of the stress reducing conversation.
Speaker and Listener Communication Skills
Key components of good communication skills consist of:
- Listening without trying to solve your partner’s problems or offering advice.
- Communicating empathy for the speaker.
- Listening with the same undivided attention one would give to the boss. We often communicate more clearly and patiently with our co-workers than with our significant others.
- Communicating wishes, needs, and feelings, in addition to thoughts.
Rituals for Connection
An exciting part for new relationships is about creating new traditions. How will you celebrate the major holidays? Birthdays? Anniversaries? What will the meals be like in your home? What traditions do you bring from your family of origin? Couples who have been together for a while have an opportunity to re-examine their rituals for connection and build on the ones that work for them.
Processing Disagreements
Managing conflict is stressful when you have no tools at your disposal. When couples have a specific plan for making their way through disagreements while practicing good communication skills, the stress is reduced. The partners can feel competent in their abilities to share individual views and be heard.
Gottman Method Assessment
The effectiveness of the Gottman Method can be partially attributed to the in-depth assessment of couple’s relationship strengths and needs before beginning treatment. The initial sessions are focused primarily on the assessment phase, serving several beneficial purposes. The couple gets a sense of my style as a therapist and can decide if they want to continue working with me. This phase also allows me to get a better understanding of the relationship and the individuals, so that I can determine if I can meet therapeutic needs of the couple. For couples interested in just exploring the assessment phase, I offer a Gottman Method Assessments Package.
The Gottman Relationship Checkup is an online assessment that consists of questions about friendship and intimacy, how well you know your partner, how you manage emotions and conflict, how you share your values and goals, and what gives meaning to your lives.
Story of the Relationship – Session 1
The first session consists of a warm welcome and a review of my practice policies and informed consent. I will then invite you two to share the story of your relationship, and your relationship philosophy in order to gain a greater understanding of your unique experience as a couple.
Gottman Love Lab Video Evaluation
The Gottman Institute created an all-new virtual Gottman Love Lab experience for clinicians and their couples that includes a video evaluation process to receive a scientific x-ray into couple’s relationship. This level of assessment is not available anywhere else. I am fortunate to be one of the select group of clinicians authorized to share the Gottman Love Lab tools with my clients. As part of our first session, the couple records two videos together: an “events” conversation, and a “conflict” conversation, and then self-rates the videos. The virtual Gottman Love Lab automatically calculates and generate reports, providing the couple and myself deep insights into the couple’s relationship.
Individual Stories – Sessions 2 and 3
Next, I will interview each person to hear your own story of what brings you to therapy and how you feel about the relationship. We will also explore any family history that you believe will be relevant to the process. Topics will include your commitment to the relationship, your hopes and expectations, and your personal goals.
Results of the Gottman Relationship Checkup – Session 4
In the final session of the assessment phase, the feedback session, we discuss your completed Gottman Relationship Checkup. I will summarize the results of your assessment and review preliminary treatment goals. At this point in time, the assessment phase is winding down and it is time for you, your partner, and myself to decide if we would like to continue working together. If we all agree to proceed, we will collaboratively develop goals for treatment.
Sound Relationship House
Our subsequent sessions will consist of research-based treatment and exercises specific to your relationship. We will focus on managing conflict constructively, enhancing your relationship and intimacy, and creating shared meaning.
The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
Learning how to manage conflict is one of keystones of the Gottman Method. Dr. John Gottman considers the presence of Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling in a relationship as the most destructive and biggest predictors of divorce and separation, and calls them “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse”. In our sessions we practice noticing the appearance of the Four Horsemen and replacing them with appropriate antidotes.
Gottman Method Couples Therapy with Elaine Korngold
I completed extensive post-graduate training in Gottman Method Couples Therapy: Levels 1, 2, and 3, ‘Treating Affairs and Trauma’, and ‘Treating Couples in Addiction Recovery’. I engage with a Senior Gottman Method trainer in a monthly consultation group to review cases and continue learning. I am one of the select group of clinicians authorized to share the Gottman Love Lab tools with my clients. My experience and other trainings are described here.
Please contact me if you would like to enrich your monogamous relationship. Both partners need to be available for our consultation. Gottman Method assessment is a good way to start evaluating where you are at as a couple today and what is needed for you to meet your goals.