- Ordering, Directing, Commanding
- Warning, Admonishing, Threatening
- Moralizing, Preaching, Imploring
- Advising, Giving Suggestions or Solutions
- Persuading with Logic, Lecturing, Arguing
- Judging, Criticizing, Disagreeing, Blaming
- Praising, Agreeing, Evaluating Positively, Buttering Up
- Name-calling, Ridiculing, Shaming
- Interpreting, Analyzing, Diagnosing
- Reassuring, Sympathizing, Consoling, Supporting
- Probing, Questioning, Interrogating
- Distracting, Diverting, Kidding
“Implicit (and sometimes quite explicit) in these 12 categories of listener responses is the desire or intent to change rather than accept the sender. The Roadblocks communicate a desire for (and often pressure for) the helpee to think, feel, or behave differently. These 12 types of responses, then, act as vehicles for communicating unacceptance. And we know that a climate of unacceptance is very unconducive to personal growth, development, and psychological health.”
Therapy with Elaine Korngold
In my private practice, I offer Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy to help people get to know their inner parts and learn new ways of interacting in relationships at home or at work. All communication roadblocks can be attributed to inner parts running our imaginary bus. For example, a diverting statement is made by a part that has reasons to not engage in the actual conversation happening in the moment. It probably protecting us inside from feeling something painful that typically goes way back into our early childhood. IFS teaches us that most protective parts are in single digits in age. Welcoming that part, getting to know it with an open heart, understanding how it’s been trying to help us from the moment it was created, helps us feel compassion towards it and brings our best Self on-line. Our best Self has the infinite ability the heal all of our parts. Please reach out to schedule your free 20-minute phone consultation to learn more.