Here is a wonderful TEDx talk (20 minutes) where Dr. Julie Gottman gives an overview of Gottman Method Couples therapy and how it applies to dealing with perpetual and resolvable conflicts in the home.
My clients will recognize the Gottman-Rapoport exercise based on principles of diplomacy and the Art of Compromise circles (or bagels, as Julie calls them) for successful negotiation and resolution. Julie reminds us how to state our feelings (without cheating) and that there is no such thing as too needy – https://youtu.be/FrSt7o_gE3Q
The Gottmans found that all strong, sturdy relationships had the same foundations, support systems, and blueprints – a phenomenon they called the Sound Relationship House (SRH).
Gottmans’ 40-year research journey has included 12 studies with over 3,000 couples, including seven studies on what predicts divorce. Six of these studies are predictive, longitudinal studies with some couples having been followed for as long as 20 years, including a 12-year study on gay and lesbian couples (Gottman, J. M., Levenson, Gross, Fredrickson, McCoy, Rosenthal, Ruef, & Yoshimoto, 2003). Treatment and intervention research have involved over 4,000 couples.
The SRH house has 7 floors, each of which reinforces the others, and two supporting walls that hold up the entire thing. The SRH model is a way to show couples how to deepen their intimacy, better manage conflict, and share the things that are meaningful to them – both as individuals and as a collaborative unit.
The two supporting walls represent Trust and Commitment that are like load-bearing walls necessary to keep the structure upright. These came out of John Gottman’s theories on trust and betrayal based on new applications of game theory. This research-based understanding of how couples build trust versus the steps that lead to betrayal and eroding trust, has led to a model of prevention and treatment described in two books, “The Science of Trust” (Gottman, J. M., 2012), and “What Makes Love Last?” (Gottman, J. M., 2012).
Gottman Method Couples Therapy with Elaine Korngold
Marriage and couples counseling can help couples to reconnect, improve their communication and rebuild trust. My clients include monogamous straight and gay couples, new and newly engaged couples, those in long term relationships, neurodiverse couples, and couples in crisis. Couples get help in breaking down barriers, so that each person can see the other’s viewpoint. We also address difficulties such as long standing areas of conflict, infidelity, divorce, or additional challenges caused by illnesses or addiction. Please reach out for a free 20-minute phone consultation to learn more.