The article below describes situations where parents of adult children end up enabling them financially to the point of causing damage to the relationship.
“Most parents want the best for their children. But when does extending a helping hand to a child become emotionally or financially disabling? Sometimes parents’ heartfelt desire to help paves the way to children developing an attitude of entitlement and a disabling financial dependency on others.”
“Financial enabling is the inability to know when to say no when people continually ask for money. It harms both the recipient and the giver. Often, enablers can’t say no even when they know they can’t afford to keep giving money. Research suggests that about 60 percent of parents provide financial support to children who are out of school.”
“It is no wonder that financial enabling usually ends up damaging the relationship, which is usually the opposite of the enabler’s intent. Research finds enabling often leads to depression, a sense of being out of control and poor physical health for both parties.”
“Financial enabling often ends up damaging the enabler’s financial health by eroding net worth, increasing credit card debt, diminishing financial independence and even bankruptcy.”
“Financial enabling also damages the recipients. The parents’ good intentions often backfire and can result in adult children failing to develop their own financial skills and experiencing emotional side effects. In severe cases, when adult children have become dependent on money from parents, they can experience fear and anxiety over being cut off, anger and resentment and lower levels of motivation and passion to succeed and become financially self-sufficient.”
How Elaine Korngold Can Help
Most therapists are trained to talk about issues such as sexual behavior or substance abuse eating, but not about financial issues and their significance. This is despite the fact that couples rank money as the top problem prior to marriage, and in the early stages of marriage. Money is one of the main reasons that couples argue or divorce.
This is where I can help. My professional background and my training give me a unique perspective on how money impacts individuals and couples. Frequently, it is not the lack of money that creates stress and anxiety, but how people mismanage their finances. I can help you clarify your values around money, identify the messages you received from your family, and understand what drives your money behaviors. For couples, I integrate Financial Therapy with Gottman Method Couples Therapy to help couples communicate more constructively and develop tactical skills to foster a healthy financial partnership. For compulsive behaviors related to money, such as shopping addiction or gambling, I offer Brainspotting therapy for addiction.
In my private practice I encourage clients to explore how their finances affect their emotional well-being through discussions about budgets, financial values, and core beliefs about money and spending. Research indicates that good financial health is important to reducing stress and increasing stability and satisfaction. With counseling, clients can begin addressing and resolving complex issues and emotions that manifest when they encounter financial stresses. Contact me to learn more.