Here is a wonderful article that describe how John and Julie Gottman talk about how they met and fell in love, and how Gottmans follow their own advice to keep their relationship special:
“Dr. Schwartz Gottman John and I came from very different places. He’s a researcher, I’m a clinician. He was in the labs, I was in the front lines. He loves to sit in a chair and read, I love to climb mountains. His parents were Holocaust survivors. He grew up in Brooklyn sleeping in the hallway of a one-bedroom apartment. I grew up in Oregon in an upper middle class home. He was raised as modern Orthodox. I was raised as reformed — synagogue on the high holidays. Our relationship was based on different approaches and backgrounds. We fought like cats and dogs, but we’ve worked a lot of things out.”
“What drew me to John was his ego. It was like a rock; mine was like quicksand. He has the best sense of humor and boundless curiosity. I knew I would never be bored, and I never have. He supports my dreams.”
“I learned not to run away, to take a break and breathe. To say what I needed or what had hurt me. He’s learned to let me do that. My pauses were me thinking; he took them as I was done, so we had to learn rhythm. We’ve learned deeper understanding, which softens the edges around compromises.”
“Dr. Gottman I arrived in Seattle in May and dated 60 women in 10 weeks. I found most of them in the personals. Julie was No. 61. She was witty, funny and smart. She was perceptive and insightful, loving and forgiving. She still is. I call her the tiger. She’s very fierce. She’s a good protector of our family.”
“She’s fearless, I’m fearful. I can tell you 10 ways you can die at a picnic. I’ve learned a lot of humility and to respect her in a very deep way. When we started working together I was really arrogant and challenging. We used to have big fights about who was right; we don’t anymore. When we sit and talk about an issue, I’ve learned to examine my own self and issues. I had to go out of my comfort zone. Her point of view and clinical expertise is really smart, even when I disagree with it.”
Gottman Method Couples Therapy with Elaine Korngold
I love working with couples and helping them find new ways to see each other and love each other. Gottmans’ advice can be helpful for many couples. Please contact me if you would like to enrich your monogamous relationship and if you interested in the Gottman approach.