Sometimes it’s hard to find just the right way to express empathy in a conversation. We’ve all heard and used “I know how you feel” or “I’m sorry you feel that way”, but somehow neither works well enough and both come across a bit hollow.
Naming the feeling the other person is experiencing will get you much closer to expressing genuine empathy. Even if you don’t quite name the feeling correctly, but are still in the ballpark, that will go a long way towards a meaningful connection. The speaker will most likely correct you by offering the more accurate feeling.
The exercise of trying to figure out what the other person is feeling and then naming it a sentence, such as “It sounds like you are feeling really … sad | angry | confused | disappointed …, moves you towards expressing empathy, which is usually what the speaker is needing.
Here are two great video clips on this topic: It’s not about the nail and Empathy vs. Sympathy.
Couples Counseling with Elaine Korngold
In my work with couples I integrate Gottman Method Couples Therapy with Intimacy From the Inside Out (IFIO) therapy (based on Parts/IFS Therapy). I also specialize in supporting Neurodiverse or mixed neurology couples (where at least one partner has ADHD or is on the Autistic Spectrum, or both). Relationships require work and are bound to face challenges large and small. Simple, everyday stressors can strain an intimate monogamous relationship, and major sources of stress often threaten the stability of the relationship. Chronic relationship conflicts and ADHD or Autism can contribute to mental health conditions, like depression or anxiety. Conflicts affect physical health or lead to feelings of guilt, shame, or anger. Sometimes people resort to addictive behaviors to avoid confronting the source of the conflict. Please reach out if you would like to schedule a free 20-minute phone consultation.