Couples Counseling

Relationship Challenges

Relationships require work and are bound to face challenges large and small. Simple, everyday stressors can strain an intimate relationship, and major sources of stress often threaten the stability of the relationship. Chronic relationship conflicts and ADHD or Autism can contribute to mental health conditions, like depression or anxiety, affect physical health or lead to feelings of guilt, shame, or anger. 

Nervous about Couples Counseling?

The idea of going to couples counseling can be very unsettling. It is easy to imagine all types of uncomfortable scenarios in the therapist’s office. However, the alternative of not going at all can lead to much worse. Finding a professional help is a courageous first step to take for the sake of your relationship.

Premarital or Newer Relationship Counseling

Premarital or newer relationship counseling can be transformational in the world where half of all divorces occur within the first 7 years of marriage. We can identify the areas that are likely to cause conflict later on— finances, parenting, career goals, family dynamics, among others—and either work through these in the early stages of the relationship, or develop a plan to address them in the future. Research found that couples who had participated in premarital counseling were 30% less likely to divorce.

Marriage Counseling

Marriage and couples counseling can help couples to reconnect, improve their communication and rebuild trust. My clients include monogamous straight and gay couples, new and newly engaged couples, those in long term relationships, and neurodiverse couples. Couples get help in breaking down barriers, so that each person can honor their own nervous system and still see the other’s viewpoint.

ADHD in a Relationship

One partner’s ADHD impacts many interactions with the other partner, including meeting practical obligations in the relationship, such as getting to dinner on time, picking up after an activity, remembering to remember the errands, or consistently taking care of bills. Adults with ADHD are twice as likely to separate, divorce, and report less marital satisfaction as couples without ADHD. Every couple faces its own unique challenges, but when one partner has ADHD, the relationship may require additional support. Here is the link to some resources I recommend to my clients with ADHD: ADHD Resources.

Autism in a Relationship

When one or both partners are Autistic or carry some Autistic traits, the relationship impacts range from communication challenges to intimacy struggles, with many other possibilities in-between. For example, a couple may argue about family events, where the neurotypical partner gets energized by spending time with relatives, whereas the neurodiverse partner finds such occasions draining and overwhelming. The partners may understand closeness differently, with the neurotypical partner talking to connect emotionally, and the neurodiverse partner talking to convey information. Both partners often end up feeling lonely and isolated in the relationship. I specialize in working with neurodiverse couples. Here is the link to some resources I recommend to my Autistic clients: Autism Resources.

Couples Therapy with Elaine Korngold

Most couples therapy approaches focus either on teaching couples skills on how to become “masters” in their relationship as opposed to “disasters”, or on helping couples process their emotions and trauma triggered during conflicts. My experience with many diverse couples taught me that skills-based couples therapy alone is not enough when a couple is in the middle of an emotional confrontation. Couples cannot become “masters” in their relationship without healing their deep hurts from the past that are showing up in the present. This is when trauma and emotion-processing based therapy approach is needed. Couples engaged in deep trauma therapy may also need skills to bring up issues gently, to repair, or to recognize bids.

Every couple is different and unique, requiring a rich and diverse “toolbox” of therapeutic skills. The relationship enrichment services that I provide integrate the following types of couples therapy modalities:

IN-DEPTH ASSESSMENT

• We start our work with an initial detailed assessment of the relationship using Gottman Method Checkup and/or Prepare/Enrich tools. The assessment helps us determine the areas causing the most distress, so that we can better target our work to address the issues as efficiently as possible.

GOTTMAN METHOD, SKILLS-BASED

• Gottman Method Couples Therapy, is primarily a skills-based, goal-oriented, structured, and evidence-proven approach built upon over 40 years of research. I am a Gottman Love Lab provider authorized to include video evaluation process for couples to get a scientific “x-ray” view into their relationship as part of their assessment. The resulting treatment plan with appropriate exercises aligns our work with couple’s deepest needs. 

IFS FOR COUPLES (IFIO), EMOTION AND TRAUMA PROCESSING

• Intimacy From the Inside Out (IFIO) Therapy based on Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy helps couples who seek safety within themselves while building intimacy for the relationship.

NEURODIVERSE COUPLES COUNSELING, SKILLS-BASED

• Neurodiverse Couples Counseling, a skills-based and neurodiversity-affirming approach, is added when ADHD or Autism is present in the relationship.

FINANCIAL THERAPY FOR COUPLES, SKILLS-BASED AND EMOTION AND TRAUMA PROCESSING

• Financial Therapy for Couples a skills-based and emotion and trauma processing based approach available for those struggling with resolving their money-related issues and having successful and enjoyable life-long money conversations.

BRAINSPOTTING THERAPY, EMOTION AND TRAUMA PROCESSING

• Brainspotting therapy for Couples, an emotion and trauma processing based approach is added when the issues encountered go back to preverbal or early trauma that resides in the subcortical region of the brain with no access to speech and language, and, therefore, cannot be resolved by conversation only.

CULTURE-INFORMED, EMOTION AND TRAUMA PROCESSING

• Immigration, acculturation, and multicultural issues touching on past emotions and trauma are welcomed in couples therapy when one or both partners come from different cultural or ethnic backgrounds.

Couples bring their starting issue to each session and we move fluently between the above modalities – recognizing and processing hurt emotions, building skills for managing conflict, repairing the couple’s friendship and love, and creating a system of shared meaning in a relationship based on safety, trust and commitment. 

Please contact me if you would like to enrich and heal your relationship.

Elaine’s Blog Posts on Couples Counseling

Here is the link to interesting articles for my Couples Counseling clients – https://askcounseling.com/category/couples-relationships/

Elaine’s Couples Counseling Resources

Here is the link to various resources that I mention to my Couples Counseling clients – https://askcounseling.com/couples-resources/